Just a rant about bloating

So I'm kind of sad right now and I don't think anyone else would really understand me right now.

I started my weight loss in july 2019. I have lost half the weight so far (-25kgs) I am 72 kgs but I'm quite short (157cm) so I still look quite chubby. The thing is that I have trouble with pcos and thyroid. They are not that bad since I don't need medication yet but they are messing with my metabolism and my doctor has warned me about it. I can't lose weight unless I eat less than 1000 cals per day. That made me get on a diet for a while then spent some time in maintenance. I'm kind of tired because the last couple of months since January I can't seem to lose weight. Every time I start my diet I end up binging. I know it's because I overly restrict. So in February I tried eating 1200 cals a day. I was not hungry but I did it for three months and I only lost one kg . I was so disappointed I gained it all back in a binge. This week I started my diet and it's going fairly well. I don't feel hungry . Maybe because it's summer and I'm more hungry in winter. I don't work out because I don't have the time really. I've lost one kg so far in a little over a week but ....

The last 3 days I've been so bloated I look 7 months pregnant and I feel so constipated.I'm expecting my period (it is a few days late) so it's natural but this hasn't happened before usually it would happen the day before my period and it would leave on my first day of period. Now at 72 kgs I still look chubby but I'm kind of small in my tummy and waist. I looked lean a few days ago but now I look like I carry a basketball. And a big one at that.

I was already feeling kind of bad but I was keeping it cool until today...

A friend of mine called me and asked me if I wanted to go on a trip with her and some friends of hers on Friday (in 5 days). They will go to an island nearby. Now I'm so sad. What if I look so big by then. I said yes when she asked me because it's one the second outing after lockdown rules were armed in my country. I also want to meet new people and socialize . But when all of my clothes look so tight on me and there is fat rolls over my jeans that looked loose a couple days ago I get this urge to decline. I was always like that. Even when I was a teenager and at 50 kgs I declined even to the thought that I might look fat on the day of an outing.

I want to go but I also want to feel good in my body. This hasn't happened to me for the past 7 months I was in lockdown. Why does it have to happen now? I feel like I want to cry. The only reason i don't is because as a person I can't cry except in really bad situations like death or smth.

I'm also scared that if I go and feel uncomfortable I will be quiet all day and feel like everyone judges me even though that's not true.

I'm desperate. I need this bloating to go. I need my period to come before Friday. I don't know what to do. I just. I just want to live life and not care about how I look. But at the same time my problem right now is not my weight or how big I am but the bloating.

Oof... I really am lost and sad and feel desperate and like things are out of control. Why is my body doing be so dirty? Why didn't I lose weight all of those months ? If I had lost more weight would that bloating bother me now.? Probably yes but still I can't help but think that way.

submitted by /u/uknowmi13
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