How to get over the constant fear of judgement?

Growing up I always struggled with my weight. When I was younger I played sports and stuff so I was only “chubby” but when middle / high school started and sports became more serious I stopped playing. I became a lot less active and quickly went from chubby to morbidly obese.

When I was around 19/20 in sophomore year of college I finally said I had enough of it and over the next 11 months lost 130lb. I was happy there for a while and maintained it, then I decided to lose another 10lb. I maintained that for about two years and my already poor mental health took a turn for the even worse.

I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder and I gained 140lb back in less than 10 months. I went back up to 290lb. Since last July I’ve been trying to lose weight and I’m down about 70lb now, the lowest I got down to was 199lb and down about 90lb. Due to binge eating I’ve quickly gained that 20lb back.

Anyway, after being a healthy weight and seeing how much better you get treated I’ve been mortified to even leave my apartment since the weight gain started. The judgement and looks, and overall feeling of being uncomfortable is too much sometimes. I wish I could walk around with a sign “please don’t make fun of me, I have a medical condition and I’m working on it”.

How has anyone else dealt with / gotten over it?

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