How to overcome the classic “whatever, I’ll just be fat and happy” when you obviously won’t be happy lol

Around Fall of last year I went through a breakup, lost my job because covid ruined my poor boss’s chiropractic clinic, AND had to move back in with my parents. Suffice to say I gained a lot of weight. I was already a bit chubby (I’m 5”4 and was already 160lbs) and now I’m 190 pounds. Two years ago I also started taking antidepressants, and became dependant on weed every evening to help me calm down and sleep better. So obviously, the weight just piled on over the years.

I am now off of all medication, living in my own place, have a new job, but still very dependent on weed for anxiety and sleep, so I’m very much struggling to lose the weight. I have tried swimming but I’m a hilariously bad swimmer so I don’t think it’s doing that much since I mostly spend my time in the water flailing around and defaulting to doggy paddling lololol

My question, however, is how you guys get through emotional/boredom eating or just being like ‘eh whatever I just want to be happy and food makes me happy’

I have been self-soothing with food all my life and have always been a little bit chubby, but now I’m just straight up fat. I’ve resorted to having ZERO food in my house but I end up finding loop holes around it and it’s driving me insane. I can see myself and feel myself cheating but the ‘in the moment’ feeling is so strong that I just let myself do it and then feel horribly guilty afterwards.

I don’t know what else to do to be honest. I’m my own worst enemy and I’m always getting in my own way. I KNOW how to lose weight. I KNOW how important exercise is. I’m basically an expert at HOW to lose weight. On paper lol.

Does anyone have any advice that isn’t common knowledge to help you get past yourself? Because I’m really fucking mad at myself right now lol

Thanks!

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