Regained weight and can't stand to look at myself
Over the last 5 years, I lost a lot of weight (249lbs to 153lbs). I was actually happy with how I looked for the first time in almost 15 years.
Then Covid hit and I started suffering from depression (took me a while to realise that's what it was). I took time off work and now i'm on medication, I feel much better, mentally, but I just haven't been able to stop eating, and I lost all motivation to do anything, let alone exercise, for almost a year. And now I'm almost back upto 200lbs. I can't stand it. (I keep telling myself I'm about to leave onederland and re enter the twoniverse!)
Now, I can't stand to look at myself. If I take a bath, I have to cover my stomach up with a face cloth or bubbles, so I can't see it. None of my clothes fit properly anymore and I keep having to buy bigger clothes.
When I do look at myself, I tell myself I'm gross or disgusting. I would never think this about anyone else, let alone say it to them. My husband also has gained weight and he feels the same about himself. I don't find him any less attractive, but I do worry about his health, as he worries about my health.
And to top it all off, I just found out I need to have ivf if I want to have a child, but need to get down to below 30 bmi, which for me, apparently, is 153lbs. The weight I managed to get down to.
I hope this isn't too much of a downer for everyone, but I had to get it off my chest, and I guess if anyone has tips or had a similar experience, advice would be much appreciated. I know I can do it because I've done it before, but I keep watching my weight go up and feeling my clothes getting tighter, and it terrifies me.
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