Here we go (again)

F/34/67 kg (148 lb).

I stopped caring a while ago. I ate what I wanted and then some more.

A couple of days ago I got hit with depression and disgust. I had done so well before, and I let myself go.

I tried to cheer myself up a bit. But as I was going through my pictures I noticed that for a couple of years, I have not had a decent photo of me taken. I feel ugly and I feel fat (it's personal, not trying to trigger anyone else). I feel as though I'm not even worth the space of memory on my phone to have a picture where I'm alone (most of my pictures are with my child and the random family photo) and looking just OK, not even pretty or gorgeous.

I lost my way, my drive and my motivation. And I'm so very tired. And now I gave myself reason to hate myself even more. Why can't I love myself and have control over my stuff so that I don't end up sabotaging myself to reach lower depths?

I don't know. But at least today I will try to eat well and exercise (even though I lost all condition) and maybe just try to hate myself a lot less.

Any advice or comments are welcome.

Thanks.

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